She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
