I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
