the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
