Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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