Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize