it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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