id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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