I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
