He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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