I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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