Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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