Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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