I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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