take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize