You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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