So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
