grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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