In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
