Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
