if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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