drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
