i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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