Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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