Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
