I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
