Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
