you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
