She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
