i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
