I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
