1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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