I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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