This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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