He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
