I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
