i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
