I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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