Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
