She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What drink are we having for lunch?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
