currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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