She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
