you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
