I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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