I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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