my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize