i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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