Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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