Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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