i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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