party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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