oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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