your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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