I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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