I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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