He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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