i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
