4 words: hood of his car
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
