i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
