At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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