when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
