When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
