hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
