i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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