Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
