I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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