so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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